Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
We smell like vodka and hangover
Two words: nipple clamps
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