I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
