if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
