Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Randomize
