turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
