I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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