I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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