Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
