I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
