; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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