Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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