Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
