First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
