We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
