I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
