You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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