i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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