WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
