I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
