I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
