i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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