My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
