i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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