NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
