I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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