no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
