..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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