Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
