i need an iv and a liver transplant
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
