I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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