how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
His hands were made for my vagina.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
