I'm sorry my penis didn't work
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
