i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
