booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
