i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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