he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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