I cockslap morals
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
