I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
