1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just forgot I was standing up.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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