handjob tips. give me some.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
