They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
