my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
