i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
