Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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