Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
