At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
