I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
