K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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