there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
