you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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