I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
