At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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